How to Parent Against Entitlement in an Age of Instant Gratification and Access

We live in an age of instant gratification. With fast food, immediate access to information, and constant digital overload, patience and resilience are fading, and a sense of entitlement is rising.

In today's world, where digital convenience and endless content are the norm, it is challenging to cultivate genuine appreciation. We are increasingly hardwired to expect immediate results. Whether it is our impatience with slow-loading web pages, delayed replies from text messages, or children who react poorly to unwanted gifts, this "instant access" mindset can lead us to believe we deserve good things without effort, acting as if the world owes us something when we don't get what we want immediately. It has become increasingly difficult for people to reflect on what they have, especially in an era of comparing our lives to millions of profiles on social media.

Gratitude, derived from the Latin word gratia, means gratefulness or thankfulness. Research shows that expressing gratitude to others, oneself, or a Divine power can enlighten the mind, have a profound healing effect, and increase happiness.

The essential question for parents is: How do we combat this "instant gratification" mindset and cultivate a deeper sense of gratitude and appreciation in ourselves and our children? How do we teach our children that true character is rooted in virtues like patience, kindness, and resilience? Here are a few ways that have worked for my family.

Simple Ways to Cultivate Gratitude:

• Start a Meaningful Family Ritual: At meals or bedtime, we shared what we were grateful for (experiences and people). I often asked: "How were you kind today?" "What were you most proud of?" or “What was most difficult today”? This helps focus on our spiritual nature and away from material things.

• Counter Entitlement with Contribution: Entitlement stops when children understand that comfort doesn't just "materialize." From an early age, my children were involved in all aspects of household service (cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.). I called them "acts of service," a phrase I found to be more motivational than "chores," which taught them the value of the labor required to maintain a life.

• Encourage Work and Saving: We didn’t immediately grant every wish, and often some wishes went ungranted. They were encouraged to work and save for what they wanted. This ensured they fully appreciated the value of things and linked it to effort, which prevented entitlement. I used to tell them that we don’t always get what we want, and my job as a parent was to ensure their needs were met. Then, we would discuss whether a need or a want was being addressed. 

• Practice Service and Empathy: We discussed those less fortunate (not to create guilt, but to foster awareness) and engaged in regular volunteering and donating. This helped them recognize their own abundance by serving others. Service has been linked to positive psychological and spiritual well-being.

• Focus on the Giver's Heart: When my children received gifts, we shifted the conversation from the item itself to the thought, effort, and kindness the giver had put into selecting it, leading to a sense of gratitude.

• Translate "Thanks" into Tangible Action: I encouraged my children to go beyond saying "thank you" by actively expressing their gratitude. We’d write thank-you cards and perform small acts of service for those who helped us.

• Praying as Part of Family Ritual: We’ve always prayed as a family, and I encourage my children to reflect on what they are grateful for and say gratitude prayers. There is so much that we are given that we haven’t worked for, and it is essential to recognize our unearned privilege and ensure that our children understand it as well.

How Parents Can Model Gratitude:

Parents are the most powerful teachers. Modeling gratitude makes the practice authentic and visible for children. We cannot expect something from them that we are not practicing ourselves.

• Express Appreciation Openly: Regularly thank your children, partner, and service providers (such as teachers, cashiers, or sanitation workers) out loud, and be specific when you can. For example, instead of just saying "Thanks," say, "Thank you for taking out the trash, that was very helpful!" or “Thank you for washing the dishes. It felt good to cook in a clean kitchen.” 

• Talk About Challenges with Gratitude: When challenging things happen and discussing a negative situation is inevitable (e.g., a car breakdown), also express gratitude for the positive resolution or support received ("I'm grateful we were safe and that the tow truck arrived so quickly"). This teaches children to reframe adversity.

• Avoid Constant Complaining: Be mindful of discussing daily frustrations. While acknowledging stress is normal, focus on finding the good outcomes or lessons learned to avoid modeling a default negative outlook.

• Share Your Gratitude Journal: For as long as I can remember, I have kept a gratitude journal, and ever so often, I’ll read parts of it to my children. Let your children see you writing in a gratitude journal or reflecting on the positive moments in your life. This normalizes the practice as a valuable part of adult life.

• Mindful Consumption: When purchasing things, express thanks for the ability to afford them. Reflect on the distinction between wants and needs, and be conscious of how you consume, because children are watching us.  When using resources (such as water or electricity), make a brief, appreciative remark about their availability. It is a luxury.

What small habit helps you feel more thankful, and how do you cultivate gratitude in your family? Join the conversation and share your wisdom below! Drop some ideas in the chat.

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